SARMs Ban Update 2018 August 30

So I was sitting here with a fever, hating myself and all others (yes you), when I decided to lather my face in DMSO for some relief (that’s a thing), wash some farm-fresh peaches, get super high, and write a little bit about the SARMs ban.

As you know, the SARMS Control Act of 2018 was first introduced on April 24, 2018 by walking “way after” picture Senator Orrin “Whorrin Snatch” Hatch (I can only assume that’s his nickname). Here he is in a meeting with one of his closest advisors and mentors. And here he is again, performing some strange ritual on Mohammad Ali. Now I’m not saying he gave him Parkinson’s, but Ali was in perfectly good health just before this picture was taken.

Oh yeah, and he’s set to retire since January of this year. This is his last “fuck you” before truly leaving humanity behind, and not in a good way (RIP Rich).

Anyways, according to GovTrack, this bill needs to get through four more stages of bureaucracy to pass. They give it a confident 3% chance of passing. Now I have no idea how to take this, except with a grain of salt. They want to add SARMs to the criminal code right under “anabolic steroids” with this bill, and we know what hate boner the DEA has for steroids. Check out this guy’s life story if you have 42 minutes (Yes the DEA let a cartel kidnap and as far as they knew murder this man because he was a part of steroid ring that was busted hard when steroids were banned -- needless to say he was irritated).

Futhermore, we see that the IRS and possibly DEA have already been going after SARMs sellers, attacking the “for research purposes only” clause and getting some hard time out of it under “delivery of altered or misbranded drugs by fraud”. Rumor has it there are tens of other active investigations by the DEA (not confirmed, take it with a grain of salt).

In fact, this is stipulated by some as the reason for the closures / relocations of some popular SARMs and PED vendors that were using this exact wording when selling SARMs. One of the most popular actually announced their closing just a month prior to the above sentence being handed down.

If we look at the bill in question, we can see it specifically mentions Ostarine, LGD-4, LGD-3, TT701, RAD-140, BMS-564929 (maybe that’s one to try then), Andarine, LG-121071 (lots of good ideas to try in this bill), and S-23. It also covers any derivative of these special little guys that is anabolic and/or androgenic. It does leave provisions for legal medical trials, however. Cardarine doesn’t seem to be in here (yes I know it's not a SARM). I would suggest Whorrin Orrin should start megadosing, but I’m afraid that might give the Cardarine cancer.

So we know that the IRS/DEA has a hardon for this, we know this bill seeks to give SARMs the same legal designation as anabolic steroids, and we know that these are amazing drugs that can do a ton of good in the right hands. All red flags that Uncle Sam might come down hard.

If you’re like me, you’ll be sitting on two days of food and water, and over 5 years' worth of SARMs cycles. Priorities, people.